I have to come to realize throughout the years of having my blog, I have written so much about love and how it makes me feel as it flows through out my veins. I have deemed to discover that it would be because it has been such a prominent emotion for me as I grow older and wiser.
It has been about a year now that I have been single. I would say my first “serious” relationship taught me all I needed to know about myself. I didn’t know the necessary lessons that I was to learn from this would help me in the long run so immensely. I learned that it is okay to take your time with your delicate thoughts and feelings. Not only that, but to also sit in your room quietly as you write poetry and journal until you are satisfied. It is alright to let yourself heal and to not venture out into the world of love right away. Friends and family gather near, but they won’t always give you the love and care that will heal your wounds that remain open as time passes. There may be loss of sleep. There may be empty pages at that, as you sit and ponder alone in the dead of night. Some circumstances take many moons to heal. Yet, time heals all wounds, I promise you so. It taught me not to settle. Do not settle until somebody looks at you like the night sky is presented elegantly in your eyes. Until they can love every curve and inch of you like you’re the only person they have graced their fingers upon. Until you sit with them in a coffee shop and you lose track of time talking about every important source of subject underneath the sun. The right person will never waste your wisdom, nor time, nor money. They will remind you that the love the two of you share is all that truly can be fathomed. For it will be stronger than any current in the entire universe, and this I learned in the most spectacular way.
I am finally convinced that I’ve found him.
For when the time came that I was ready to love again, It wasn’t that easy. Countless dates I spent feeling as if the people were never worthy of the love I dished out. The handwritten letters, poetry, and thoughtful things I did for the people I loved never seemed genuine. I would come home night after night, sitting down blankly on my bed. Nothing. I felt nothing. Empty. Lost. Worried. Scared. When I looked in the mirror, I was drained of the woman in which I sought after. I had lost myself. The wrong ones continuously destroying every incredible piece of who I was. The respect in which I deserved was never provided to me. Would the madness ever end? I started lowering my standards just because the fairy tale love that I deserved would never come around. Men wanted me for my body only, not my heart, mind and soul. And the most distasteful part of it all, is I would give it to them.
I thought that was truly way to gain in which I wanted. Yet time and time again, it left me feeling horrible and disrespected. Once again feeling empty, sad and depressed I came the conclusion that being alone for more time would once again heal and nurture me. You see, I was right. But I learned that when you aren’t looking for the greatest things they will slowly make their way to you naturally.
In the dead of the night, I found him.
Him. The first conversation we ever had, remained the most interesting of all the previous men combined. He finally wanted to know me. What I thought about religion. What I thought about politics, where did I want to live, when would I want to be married. Although he reminded me every day how beautiful and radiant I was, he never made it the key part of what made me, me. It was as if he knew all the perfect things to say to me. Mending all my broken pieces together, I started to recognize the woman in the mirror again. Every second of every day, I lingered for the next moment in which I would speak to him. The words flowed out of me as if a tsunami had stormed through my very heart and mind. Bringing forth the inspiration I needed to continue on. When I had the pleasure of meeting his acquaintance, I was stopped in my tracks. We both reached forward for a hug. I was finally home. We spent the day talking, laughing and remembering what it felt like to find a soul in which you feel connected to. It didn’t take long before I felt the overpowering emotion of love for him. Although it hadn’t been long–it felt right. For once it felt right. The little things he did for me, were always the biggest imprints on my heart. Now in present time, I finally feel clean of all the wounds that tried to destroy me from my past. The time and care he has embodied within me is none that can compare to any man from the past. I am so enchanted and infatuated with all that he is. For my wounds, they have diminished and all I can see is my future with him. I as myself every day: when is the next time I can see him? Hear him? Feel him next to me? I long for the feeling that he revives within me. For it is the most wonderful feeling in the entire universe. I don’t know if will ever meet a soul like his in this lifetime. It is one that you spend decades searching for–and he is right here in my arms finally.
His smile is one that can compare to those of the most gorgeous sunset. His eyes are those that I find myself getting lost in constantly. His voice, one that puts me to sleep like the sweetest melody that has ever graced my ears. His personality is outgoing and optimistic, yet pessimistic enough to remind me he is human. And his touch, one that I will never get for years to come. He revived me, and I cannot thank him enough for the soul that is truly within him. One I will never forget. Not now, not later, not ever.
I have never been so grateful and full of life and love.
He must love me for me. <3