I can honestly admit I don’t even know where to start this post.
For days my thoughts have been flowing in and out of my never-ending, wandering mind. My heart has been over powered with such love. But coinciding with this love; is grief. A chapter in my life has came to an ending point.
Luckily, I have used my heartbreak to inspire me in so many areas of my life.
Flash back to a week ago. I thought the day I rose from my well-rested night, that it would just be like any other day. I was ignoring all of the signs I was receiving from you, quite frankly, from the beginning of our relationship. You made me believe that you loved me.
I should of listened to all the other surrounding voices invading my mind, telling me that you were toxic for me. I didn’t want to believe the true signs that you gave me constantly. As they all say; love is blind. From the start you took advantage of my love. I forgave you for any and every mistake that you made. After all, that is what love is about right? I stayed with you through anything. I was inevitably infatuated with your every move. I craved your presence in every aspect of my entire life. But in the midst of all the outrage, we did share happy moments.
I adored you. The way that I looked at you was different. Everybody could see it. They were all terrified. They knew that soon the two simple words spewing from your mouth time and time again, would break me into a million pieces. Oh if I only knew the words “It’s over”, felt like a million daggers deranged into my chest, I would’ve ran from the start. You were inescapable.
It was as if I was underneath your spell. I wanted to believe that you would not take advantage of my love. But it turns out you are no different than the last guy. The one that left me in the same exact way. If I could’ve only of seen the writing on the wall. If I could’ve seen the mess you left me. The truth of it all is, I still would’ve risked the pain to admire the great memories we created together.
All of the dates we spent admiring each others acquaintance. The laughs intertwined in our deep conversions about the universe, politics, and religion. The love we shared was undeniable. We shared a deeper connection than what the average person finds at this young of an age. You put up with my favorite movies, constant Taylor Swift album marathons, and my crazy obsession with glitter. The list goes on and on, but I wont bore you any more than what I already have. Moral of the story is, we had something. Something that will be engraved into my mind until the end of time. You left an impression on me that will never be forgotten.
Flash through eight months, and here I am writing you this post. I honestly think it will help me move on from this terrible rut I have been enduring. I am ready to move on from this stage in my life. I knew a different version of you and it wasn’t the one you are now. Its hard to believe that same person would’ve left me with no remorse. You watched me sob and you had the nerve to just say, “I’m sorry, but I just don’t feel anything anymore.” I begged and pleaded for you to stay. But I’m smarter than that. The right person won’t have to even question being with me.
So, thank you. Thank you for breaking me into a million pieces. It has helped me figured out the signs to watch out for. It also will strengthen my future relationships. Thank you for showing me what my true worth is, because trust me, I deserved more than the person you really were. I deserve the world. I wish you the best with your life and I hope and pray that someday down the road, we can meet as strangers once again. I hope that we both accomplish our hopes and dreams. But most importantly, I hope you find the person who you’re meant to be with. As I hope the same for myself.
I hope that you got exactly what you wanted out of me. I will no longer be used as just somebody sitting on your back burner. I deserve much more than that. On the other hand, I wish you all the best and through out this mess, I still love you more than words can express.
You will forever hold a special place in my heart, mind, and soul.